Gray Flannel Dwarf

7/17/2002

Talkin’ John Ashcroft Paranoid Blues

I may continue to work on this, if I get any creative ideas.

(with apologies to Bob Dylan)

Talkin’ John Ashcroft Paranoid Blues

Well, I was feelin’ sad and feelin’ blue,
I didn’t know what in the world I was gonna do,
Them terrorists they was comin’ around,
They was in the air,
They was on the ground.
They wouldn’t gimme no peace. . .

So I run down most hurriedly
And joined up with the Tom Ridge Society,
I got me a Citizen Corps membership card
And started off a-walkin’ down the road.
Yee-hoo, I’m a real Op:TIPSter now!
Look out you Arabs!

Well, I was lookin’ everywhere for them gol-darned Rags.
I got up in the mornin’ ‘n’ looked in my bags,
Looked in the sink, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn’t find ‘em . . .

I wus lookin’ high an’ low for them Rags everywhere,
I wus lookin’ in the sink an’ underneath the chair.
I looked way up my chimney hole,
I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.
They got away . . .

Well, I wus sittin’ home alone an’ started to sweat,
Figured they was in my T.V. set.
Peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet, hittin’ right up in the brain.
Them Rags caused it!
I know they did . . . them hard-core fundamentalist ones.

Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes.
Remembered a clue I’d almost forgotten:
The ‘merican flag is made of cotton!
That ol’ Betty Ross . . .

Well, I search all the books on the library shelves
Cuz you can’t trust it as done by anyone else
I found some characters I didn’t understand.
Knew right away it had to be the Koran
I just hope no one saw me searchin’

Wouldn’t want them to think I was a terrorist lurchin’

Now Leiberman, he’s a Middle East spy,
Al Gore, Gephardt and them Democrat guys.
To my knowledge there’s just one man
That’s really a true American: Attorney General John Ashcroft.
I know for a fact he hates Arabs cus he’s born and raised in the midwest!

Well, I fin’ly started thinkin’ straight
When I run outta things to investigate.
Couldn’t imagine doin’ anything else,
So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself!
Hope I don’t find out anything . . . hmm, great God!


Tags: , , , , , — cswiii @ 9:59 pm

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