Gray Flannel Dwarf


Won’t you please (not) help me….

Issue I:

* Is it, as a general axiom, wrong to refuse the assistance of others?

I neither imply nor limit this to the general assumption of “financial” matters that this kind of question usually boils down to. I am talking in any arena — financial, emotional, physical, whatever — all things being equal, the parties being family, friend or stranger, and there being no visible threat, is it ethically or metaphysically wrong to not accept the help of others? Is there something inately wrong with refusing help, for whatever reason, or is that an irrational notion?

* Does it change anything if one refuses help after another party has begun to administer assistance? Is the situation any different if help has begun, and then, part of the way through the assistance, help is no longer desired?

* Is it selfish to refuse assistance?

Issue II:
* On the flip side, if someone refuses assistance — does it matter why they refused? Does, or should, it matter to the one assisting why the help was refused? If assistance is refused, should the party providing assistance be concerned as to the reason, or should the party not be concerned in the least?

* If a particular reason is known, should that have any bearing on future opinions or attitude? In absolute terms, should any behavioural change be appropriate, or even expected, when the offer of assistance is refused for reasons known to the assisting party?

My Opinion:

* There is nothing wrong with refusing assistance. Assistance may (or may not) be an act of selflessness, an act of goodwill, or what have you, but in the end, the person most affected is the person receiving the assistance, and thus, said person’s opinion should be of highest perceived value.

* There is nothing wrong with refusing assistance once it has begun. Situations, circumstances, attitudes change, leading to an instance where thie assistance is no longer deemed neccessary and/or desired by the person receiving help.

* It is not selfish to refuse assistance, and any such notion cannot be construed as selfish. Such a statement would be an illogical impossibility! How can not accepting assistance for one’s own issues be interpreted as a selfish motive? In alegebraic terms, that’s like saying “-1 = 1“.

* If someone refuses assistance, that is the end of the cycle. Certainly, the assisting parties may continue to query the troubled party a few times to verify that assistance is truly not desired, but after that — no further analysis is necessary.

* The assisting parties should not attempt to assert reasons as to why the assistance was refused, and if reasons are known, the assisting parties should not attempt to ascertain validity of said reasons. Such assertions, concious or not, are actions which impinge on the beliefs of the person receiving assistance. Such alternate derived validations may, at increased risk, be discussed with the party receiving (or formerly receiving) assistance, but generally, unless it is a situation where the receiving party is in a life-critical scenario, it’s best to assume the person themselves has their own best intentions in mind for the time being.

In other words…
When I have said several times that I don’t want any help, don’t keep trying to help, and expect me to not get pissed off. It doesn’t matter if you know “why” I have refused further assistance. Those reasons have no bearing on, and no relevance to the fact that I don’t want any more help. That is no one’s concern but my own.

cswiii @ 11:37 pm

Leave a Reply