Gray Flannel Dwarf


Loudoun Bridges Falling Down.

To Whom It May Concern:

Well, I must say I was somewhat surprised when I received a letter from the Jefferson Village HOA, informing me of a of community standards violation with regards to my yard. Specifically, the violation cited was:

[ x ] Remove realtor signs from front yard.

To this, I might make a separate recommendation to the Jefferson Village HOA and to Koger Management:

[ x ] Remove my name from the list of Jefferson Village homeowners, update your records, and please refrain from sending articles which are of no concern to me anymore.

You see, if those doing the inspection had done any prior homework, if Jefferson Village’s property ownership records were kept up-to-date, if the JV HOA grounds committee wasn’t so overzealous in its efforts to nail down suspected perpetrators, it might have been noted that I no longer own the residence at xxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxx – in fact, I had not lived at, nor owned that residence for nearly one and one-half months when the letter was addressed to me. If half as much effort had been taken to assure ownership and residence of a property, as was taken by the Yard Gestapo to find violators, it would be duly realised that a change in legal ownership of the property took place on 8-February-2005.

Now generally, I would not have made such a case out of this, except for the fact that:

  • The JV HOA Grounds Committee and/or its members have had a history of nitpicking and, indeed, glaring hypocrisy.
  • Koger Management was enough of a hassle when trying to get the paperwork ready to sell the property, that one would think they would be aware of the transaction – well, except for the fact that Koger no longer does any of that work itself, choosing to instead pawn residents off to, which in turn raises prices for any resident wishing to request this information.

In other words – any ill-will I have harboured in the past is not new, but in my opinion, it is certainly justified. At the same time, however, as I am no longer a resident of Jefferson Village, I do not feel it is awfully relevant anymore, and in that light, nor are any further communications between JV/Koger and myself, unless they specifically reference me as a former, not current, resident of the community and thus not one to whom any (stifling) JV regulations, property-specific or otherwise, apply.

If you have any further question, please do not hesitate to reach me at the address listed at the top of this correspondence – please note, however, that it is nearly 300 miles away, so if there are concerns about my yard, please pack your bags accordingly.


Corey Welton.

Tags: , , , , — cswiii @ 12:57 am



It’s been over 48 hours, and my docs still aren’t ready, so I call Koger to get the contact information for their cronie at CondoCerts. While I’m on the phone, I ask the woman at the front desk (“How may I direct your call?”) about how long I should expect these requests to take.

“I don’t want to quote you a firm time, but usually around 10-14 days”.

Thus, my suspicions confirmed. No, they are not processed automatically, or nearly automatically. No, I just paid $30 to send an email request to Koger Management for condo docs, since they won’t take those requests over the phone anymore.


Update 2:
At 1:30 PM ET, no one answers at CondoCerts. I have to leave a message. There is no way to dial an extension.

Update 3:
At 1:55 PM ET, I figured out that if I dial the contact’s extension, even though the system doesn’t tell me I can do it, I can get to her anyway. Regardless, she doesn’t answer.

Update 4:
2:40: Got a call back from CondoCerts. Koger Management takes 7-10 days to process the documents. Lamers.

Tags: , — cswiii @ 10:29 am


This just in… is a fucking ripoff — or at least, the whole process is, as instituted by the morons at Koger Management.

You see, the standard “condo resale package”, as instituted in condos and townhouses in Virginia, costs $100 to get printed, or to get a copy. Management companies charge this $100, for the 50 or so pages, simply because they can — it is the maximum allowable fee in Virginia for this service. Nevermind that it probably costs them about 10 bucks in paper and man-hours to copy everything. It’s a nice little racket they got going, but at this point, I know about it, am used to it, and pretty much deal with it.

This new issue, however, is stupid.

As it stands, Koger Management no longer does their own processing of these condo resale packages. No, you have to get everything online, via

Only also charges an additional $29 service charge… and it sure as hell wouldn’t surprise me if the management companies get a kickback from, which I suspect is the case.

Oh, and what’s this? After I pay, I get the following message?

A Resale Disclosures has been created. You will be notified by email when the Property Manager responds.

The email you will receive after the management firm or Homeowners Association completes your Resale Disclosures request is a courtesy email only. You do not need to receive the email to retrieve your Resale Disclosures . Management firms and homeowner associations typically complete Resale Disclosures requests within 48 hours. By simply clicking the Resale Disclosures link in your control center you can identify Resale Disclosures that are completed and returned. If you have not received your Resale Disclosures within two business days from the submission date, please call CondoCerts and we will investigate the delay.

Okay, so rather than just being able to speak to the property manager for the community, I have to send this request through, which goes to the same person, who then (eventually) approves the request and makes them available. So I’m paying $30 dollars to send an email request!

That’s fucking stupid.

Tags: , — cswiii @ 1:16 pm